Samples 7/15 13:00
From: operations@immortex.com
Hey guys,
We found many boxes of unlabeled samples in the -80C freezer. The removable shelves are only labeled with the letters “HG”. Is that familiar to anyone? We need someone to take ownership of these samples and clear the space by EOD.
Go team!
– Sadie
Re:Samples 7/15 13:02
From: H.Grey@immortex.com
The samples you have unwittingly stumbled upon belong to me. Woe be upon he who should move them, attempt to throw them away, or ask me to identify the contents.
Muscularly yours,
– Haddox Grey, MD PhD
Uncontested billionaire
Re:Samples 7/15 13:30
To: lab.all@immortex.com, HR@immortex.com
From: operations@immortex.com
Hello team! And Haddox!,
Unfortunately, I will need you to remove these samples and dispose of them safely. The operations team needs both the storage boxes and the storage space for regularly generated samples. This is a friendly reminder that regular generators and sample pipelines have priority over research storage.
Thanks to everyone involved! Go team!
– Sadie
Re:Samples 7/15 13:32
To: lab.all@immortex.com, Operations@immortex.com
From: H.grey@immortex.com
Sadie,
This would prove impossible, as all my samples contain solvent, biological material, stains and often DNA integration dyes. None of the current waste streams are sufficient for disposal of my samples. Safety is beneath me.
If you should press me further I will, under duress, throw them into the dumpster behind the campus cafe. Again.
The rumors that I get into work at 5:30am and wash myself aggressively with Axe Body Wash in the safety showers are greatly exaggerated,
– Haddox Grey, MD PhD
Possibly Lycan
Re:Samples 7/15 13:35
To: lab.all@immortex.com HR@immortex.com, safety@immortex.com
From: Operations@immortex.com
Hi Haddox,
I can help you set up a new waste stream, and we can discuss safe disposal of your samples moving forward.
– Sadie
Re:Samples 7/15 13:40
To: Lab.all@immortex.com operations@immortex.com
From: H.grey@immortex.com
Fine, if you must, meet me at my lair at 3pm this afternoon.
Yours,
– Haddox Grey, MD PhD
shockingly handsome, severe jawline
Re:Samples 7/15 14:15
To: lab.all@immortex.com, hr@immortex.com, legal@immortex.com, safety@immortex.com
From: Operations@immortex.com
Hello Haddox,
I will need you to pick a meeting room or just meet Jason and myself in the lab. If you are working from home, you should note that working from home is not permitted, per the employee handbook.
– Sadie
Re:Samples 7/15 14:30
To: Lab.all@immortex.com, hr@immortex.com, legal@immortex.com safety@immortex.com
From: D.Lao@immortex.com
Hey Team,
When Haddox says “his lair” he means the Analytical Chemistry lab hood and adjacent bench, although he is not part of the Analytical Chemistry team. Multiple team members have asked him to move his stuff over the course of the last month. He has been taking Zoom calls there since 6/20/24. We’ve overheard the calls, which relate to his carrying out “hired hits” on wealthy senior citizens so his “clients” can receive their inheritance sooner. He makes no effort to conceal the nature of these calls.
Myself and others have brought this issue up with Human Resources repeatedly. No action has been taken as of the date this email was sent.
– Donna Lao, PhD
Director of Analytical Chemistry
Re:Samples 7/15 14:32
To: lab.all@immortex.com, d.lao@immortex.com, operations@immortex.com
From: H.grey@immortex.com
The nature of my private phone calls is trivial, and does not compromise safety at Immortex.
Sadie – Leave Jason behind and meet me privately by the dumpsters behind the cafe at 3pm. Sharp.
– Haddox Grey, MD PhD
Individual contributor for contract hire, text at (408) 127-1717 for full details or reach out via Slack
EMAIL REDACTED RECEIPT
EMAIL Re: Samples FROM HADDOX GREY SENT AT 14:32 HAS BEEN REDACTED BY SYSTEMS ADMINISTRATOR
Staff Training, Free lunch! 7/15 14:45
From: hr@immortex.com
Hello all,
We understand some unusual emails have been flying around today! We hope you know that Immortex cares about your comfort and safety in the workplace.
Mandatory, all-staff retraining surrounding handling conflict, safety, and sexual harassment will take place tomorrow. Lunch will be provided!
– Lauren
Re: Staff Training, Free Lunch! 7/15 15:00
From: d.adams@immortex.com
Hi Lauren,
Just a quick concern – is lunch going to be ordered from the cafe next door, where Haddox dumps his samples? Or are you going to DoorDash something?
– David Adams
PhD, Translational Biology
Re: Staff Training, Free lunch! 7/15 15:12
From: hr@immortex.com
Hi David and team!
We will DoorDash sushi. We will throw in boba. We will never order from the campus cafe again! Please reconsider any notions you may have of contacting employment lawyers, OSHA, or environmental safety regulatory agencies.
– Lauren
Re:Samples 7/16 12:30
From: H.grey@immortex.com
Sadie –
It is twenty four hours after we agreed to meet, and you have not arrived. How could you leave me here, alone?! How embarrassing. No woman has rejected me since, hell, I can’t remember when that’s happened! And yet I long for you, still.
Out of spite, I have individually uncapped the samples over the toilet and flushed the contents into the public waterways. Please appreciate my effort. This took hours. Now you have freezer space. I hope you’re happy with yourself. I didn’t want you before, but now that you’ve rejected me I realize…
It was always you, Sadie.
EMAIL REDACTED RECEIPT
EMAIL Re:Samples FROM HADDOX GREY SENT AT 12:30 HAS BEEN REDACTED BY SYSTEMS ADMINISTRATOR
Re: Staff Training, Free lunch! 7/16 12:45
From: Hr@immortex.com
Hey team,
Lunch has arrived! Please pick up your orders and join us in the main meeting room for mandatory, all-staff training!
– Lauren
SAFETY CONCERN 7/16 13:02 Sent as Urgent
To: Safety@immortex.com, Hr@immortex.com, all.staff@immortex.com
From: h.grey@immortex.com
The safety shower in the Analytical Chemistry lab is not working.
Ponds, Pebbles, and Porphyria 
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